Oops, it turns out a person really should read the emails from their web hosting service. I was down for almost a month without knowing it, then it took me a week before I actually sat down to look at the problem. The issue was easy to fix, of course — only requiring a couple lines to be commented out. What I don’t know is if upgrading WordPress earlier would’ve kept it from going down.
Since I hadn’t looked at my page in so long there were tons of updates waiting, of which I’ve now taken care of the ones I’m least afraid of. And now I’m almost ready again to sit down and type up the post I’ve been thinking of for 3 weeks. We’ll see about that.